The Nightmares Have Begun
I mentioned a couple days ago that I’d started my first class for this semester. I’ve barely begun, and we’re back to the same old nightmares.
This isn’t my first trip through college. My first freshman year was 1994, and I majored in Computer Science. I’m not going to sugar coat this. I was an absolute garbage student. In retrospect, I should probably have taken some time between high school and college, but I didn’t. Moving out of my parent’s house and my new independence meant I barely showed up for my first year. I remember failing pre-calc because I didn’t bother to even start showing up for the class until after the midterm. Hard to pass a class when you just don’t do it. After my first year, I figured out I needed to show up, but there was this other thing too. I needed to eat.
My parents weren’t billionaires. Or millionaires. Or, really anythingionaires. They couldn’t afford to help me out with college beyond a random tank of gas here and there. If I wanted to be in college, I needed to have a job and pay my way through. My freshman year I had a job, but it was part time, and barely paid enough to keep me in Ramen noodles. I didn’t want to live in the dorms anymore, so I’d moved out to an apartment with a friend. This was nice, but more expensive. I couldn’t work that part time job and still go to college and still have enough money to eat, so I got something with higher pay and more hours.
Here’s where the constant struggle to try to juggle work and school came in. I needed to work, and I didn’t really need to go to class. I mean, I did if I wanted to pass, but that wasn’t on the same level as having food. Because of that, whenever there was a conflict between school and work, work won. My grades didn’t do well because of that. I managed to scrape by with barely passing grades most of the time. Sometimes I had to repeat a class when timing just didn’t work out.
There was a couple years of this, and somewhere in the middle I developed nightmares where I’m just not working on a class and I’m failing and blah blah blah. I’ve had them on and off since the 90s, but they’ve really intensified since I’ve gone back to school. I’m sure it’s because I’m back in class. I’m working. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate, and even when I’m not neglecting my school work, my brain automatically goes back to those days when I was. I’m not failing my classes. Heck, this class started yesterday and my first assignment isn’t even due yet, but my subconscious is already keeping me up at night.
It’s going to be a long couple months.
Day 23 of the #100DaysToOffload Series.
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